When you are in this business for 25+ years you think you have heard it all. But no—-you haven’t. It gets better and wierder. You try to tell your friends/spouse/kids but they just shake their heads and think you’ve lost it. Only other agents can fully understand what we go through in this business. All of these are actual conversations between the property owner and myself. You gotta love it!
I had a listing that was located in a very rural part of San Diego County. The actual lot, house and views were beautiful, but the top dollar price the owners wanted was indicative of a location closer to the coast. The owner, an absentee older woman, knew the area well and had an idea.
“Why don’t we just say the home is located in the mountains of San Diego County?”
“Oh ok, but I have to name a location in the ads and a zip code in the MLS.”
“You don’t have to say X-ville, you can say the mountains of San Diego County.
“Oh ok but what if someone calls and wants to see the house? What do I tell them about the location?”
“Just tell them it is located in the mountains of San Diego County.”
“Oh ok, and how do I give them driving directions with no address?”
“Oh just wait until they are in their car, then tell them the street address.”
Alrighty then, take a left at the ~whatchamacallit—-straight towards the white fence, then left at the sand pit………
“Don’t show the house to anyone unless they really want to buy it.”
“Oh, ok, how do I know that unless they see the inside first?”
to Buyer: Oh let’s just write up an offer, I know you’ll love the inside, it’s just what you told me you wanted.
“I turned off the water in the house so I don’t have to pay the water bill.”
“Oh ok, but if no one is using the water, there will be no water bill to pay. And what if a potential Buyer needs to use the restroom?”
Blank stare by owner.
See that tree in the yard—–if you crouch real low, no one will see you.
After a termite inspection was conducted on a 12 unit building, revealing entire walls had been eaten away under the stucco to the tune of $200K.
“Have you ever had the property inspected for termites?”
“I have never had a problem with termites in 20 years.”
(NO see ’em—-NO problem)
“How come it took you only one showing to find tenants for my home, and you charge me xx$$$ for very little work?”
This after owner had it advertised for 2 months and didn’t get a deposit.
……………….ummmmmmmmm——–because I know what I’m doing?
Crack up, right? Hey I got to go use the restroom————-oh no problem– maybe I can find a tree and crouch real low———–